Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Here we go again . . .

(I always count on William to liven up any picture.  In this case, it looks more like he needs a potty-break.  Go figure.)

I always send my kids back to school with an aching heart.
I love having them home with me in the summer.
I love the closeness.
I love the feeling of little bodies all around,
busy and excited and, yes, even troublesome at times.
I love the energy of a full home.
It makes me so happy (and, at times, totally crazy).

It's amazing how all the old routines fall into place as if the summer never happened.
I felt like I'd never stopped waking up at 6:20 to get breakfast going.
I felt like I'd never stopped helping Lincoln find his backpack and a clean pair of socks.
I felt like I'd never stopped reminding the boys to brush their teeth.
(Some try to slip out the door with dragon-breath . . . gross, I know.)
Yet, I fight to keep my care-free summer memories alive.
Or, maybe it's a fight to keep the Me from summer alive.
I like my summer-self.
More than my school days-self.

This past week I've dreaded going to bed.
I usually lay there totally uncomfortable and grouchy as Ben snores slumbers away.
He makes it look so easy.
So, last night I walked on the treadmill . . . at 10:30 PM.
I thought, If I'm going to be awake, I might as well burn some calories.
Then, I pitter-pattered around my house doing absolutely nothing.
Eventually, I went outside and sat on my front porch steps.
We're going on 11:30.
I just sat there and looked at the stars.
I followed an airplane, lights flashing, clear across the sky from east to west until I couldn't see it anymore.
I thought about my kids.
About the special fathers-blessing Ben gave each of them that night, preparing them for school the next day.
I thought about this baby.
I realized that I hadn't taken time to really look at the stars, alone, for a VERY long time.
I caught a glimpse of one shooting star.
I felt at peace.
As much as I LOVE people, talking, visiting, enjoying their company,
I LOVE being alone, too.
Everyone needs time alone.

But, all amazingly peaceful, cherishable moments must come to an end.
I figured if I was going to resemble a well-rested mother,
ready to excitedly send my lovies off to school with a smile,
I better get to bed. 
I said goodnight to my stars. 
I turned off the lamp.
Started the dishwasher.
And fell asleep faster than I had in days. 
I didn't even take my nightly 2 TUMS (THAT's a big deal).
We survived day 1.
I wonder what tommorow will bring? 

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