Thursday, August 25, 2011

Night of the living dead starring Myself.

(We have officially retired the WOG.  Even just walking my normal route is uncomfortable.  Annie caught me unawares this morning, however, I saw my ankles in this picutre and thought they didn't look too bad . . . YET.)

Remember what I said in my last post about sleeping better than I had in days?
Well, heh, THAT was short-lived.
Last night was probably one of the worst nights ever (okay, maybe a little too extreme.  Maybe not)!
I can't remember the last time I said to myself, sleepless, desperate, exhausted,
"I'd be better off dead."
Isn't that awful?
It was said, mind you, with a hint of sarcasm, but the need for my misery to end was real.

What made it even worse was that no one was awake to feel sorry for me.
("Cry me a river, Lanette."  Go ahead and say it.)
I know that assuming martyr status is totally counterproductive. 
Consider it a whopping moment of weakness.
Or--closer to the truth--a whopping moment of hormonal overload.
I am clinging to the fact that this discomfort will end shortly.
However, 3.5 weeks feels like an eternity to me at present.

Everyone has their own personal struggles when it comes to having babies.
Some are horrifically sick the entire nine months.
Some have major body pains.
Some have horrible deliveries.
Some have horrible postpartum issues.
The list goes on.

My personal struggle is the sleepless nights.
The emotional wreck that is MYSELF due to sleepless nights.
(Thus, my issues last night.  A precurser of things to come.)
I LOVE my sleep.
It is SO hard for me to sacrifice it with a joyful heart.
(It's more akin to cutting off my arms and legs:))
But, I LOOOVVVEE my babies more.
I do it, yes, but I have yet to find the joy.
I am far from perfect.

I finally got to sleep at 3 AM (I tried going to bed @ 8:45 PM).
It's amazing what a relief morning can be.
Not that anything changed, just the start of a new day.
A little sun peeking through the clouds.
Tangible hope.
Thank heavens for Tommorows.
I should start belting out Annie's "Tommorow."
Those were my sentiments this morning.
And now, I'm ready for bed again.
Keep your fingers crossed.
A more pleasant Lanette is bound to return.


Marilou said...

Just give me a call! I'm always awake. I'm pretty sure I will be sleeping better when this baby comes. Two solid hours at a time sounds like bliss right now.

Honey said...

I'm sorry it's so miserable for you. I hope you can find some rest today. Points for just enduring, right? :) Hang in there.

Kelli Albaugh said...

I haven't check in for a while--din't know you were pregnant! Congrats! Hope the remainder of the pregnancy isn't too bad.

Kelli Albaugh said...

*DIDN'T know you were pregnant.

Candy said...

you are darling. seriously darling. Can't wait to see that baby!

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