Friday, July 22, 2011

It's working.

Bust open the bubbly!
(Sparkling cider, please.)
We have cause for celebration.

I went to the Dr. for my 32 week appointment.   I'm not sure if I've mentioned that I NEVER look at the scale when they weigh me.  Never.  Numbers, I hate them.  I just don't want to know.  I have a wild imagination and can take myself to not-so-friendly places about my body image.  I know I am too hard on myself sometimes.

Now, this announcement may not be too exciting to many of you.  But to me, I am joyful.  The Dr. said that everything looked great and healthy, BUT he ALSO said, "You've gained 30 lbs. so far this pregnancy."  I was so happy to hear that!  I wanted to jump in the air and shout, but, lady that I am (heh, heh), I kept my cool . . . and my legs crossed.  I'm used to hearing numbers in the 50's (THAT'S why I don't look at the scale). 

When I committed to this exercise/water stuff, I was testing my body to see if anything different happened.  If I STILL gained tons of weight, than I'd know it's just what my body does.  If I didn't gain as much weight, than I'd know that I have to work really, really hard whenever I'm pregnant.  Hello, you've been pregnant 4x already, shouldn't you have learned that by now?  In my defense, I had so many needy little ones at once that I was just keeping my head above the water.  I didn't have time to scrutinize my pregnancy history.  I had noses to wipe, diapers to change, mouths to feed, etc.  This four year spread has given me that time.

I still have 8 weeks left.  A lot can happen in 8 weeks.  BUT, I felt so hopeful that this postpartum bod will resume it's regular shape in a more timely manner than it has in the past.  That I won't have to beat myself up so much.  That there's a light at the end of the skin-stretched-jello-tummy tunnel.

I feel validated that my hard work is paying off.  All my efforts aren't in vain . . . and I'm just really grateful.

You may think that I focus too much on this stuff, physical appearance.  You may be right.  But I know my history.  I know how I feel after having babies.  I know the emotional roller coaster I ride when things STILL don't fit (and my baby is 12 months old).  And I don't like it.  At all.  I don't want to feel that way. 

I'm a better mother, a happier mother, a healthier mother when I feel fit.  THAT'S important to me.  It's not for anyone else.  I'm not aspiring for magazine covers (yeah, right).  I want to feel beautiful (as a woman, I know I'm not alone in that desire), and by that, I mean a healthy beautiful.  A realistic beautiful.  A wholesome beautiful.  Physical and emotional fitness go hand in hand for me.  One affects the other.  Balance.

Well, I feel like I should welcome you to the inner-workings of my soul:).  You just had a taste of it.  Can we STILL be friends:)? 

1 comment:

Honey said...

So awesome! Congratulations!! I love these posts - you say it all so well!

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