(note: If you have any desire to know where this post is coming from, scroll down to yesterday's post.)
I really did. I don't know if I've said this before, but running, to me, is a mental battle, not a physical one. And yesterday, all odds were against me. Even this morning, my mind was coaxing me (insert soothing, measured, low, gentle voice), Don't run, you're tired, Sam's awake, you don't feel good, just DON'T do it, there's always tomorrow. Boy, did I ever want to give in to that voice in my head!
I started my usual routine. The one where I look for OTHER things to do. I stopped myself. I pushed all self-deception aside. There is NO ONE to blame for not running, but myself. The things that need doing in the house can get done the other 22 hours of the day. Seriously, Lanette, it's time to own your feelings here.
(Maybe I should preface this "issue" with a disclaimer. My purpose in training/running a half-marathon is not to say I've run 13.1 miles. Compared to some, this distance is a walk in the park. However, this achievement means so much more to me than miles. It's to prove to myself that if I'm willing to work hard enough, exercise consistent self-discipline, and overcome my mental stumbling-blocks, I can do anything I set my mind to. Also, this was a realistic goal that would challenge me, but still allow the flexibility to mother these kids of mine. A marathon would be dreamy, but that's for another season.)
Have you ever felt afraid of the greatness that's really in you? Not that I think I'm any better than the next guy, I just KNOW there is untapped greatness in all of us IF we're willing to work for it. I'm finally in a place where I'm ready to give what it takes to discover that greatness. I see my race as a stepping stone to greater achievements in life.
So, choosing to run was a big deal. Pushing the negativity out of my mind took real effort. I proved to myself that I'm stronger than I think I am. And overcoming felt SO good.
How can I truly convince my kids that they can do HARD THINGS if I'm not willing to do them myself?
Decisions determine destiny. The big decision to run this race would never be possible without all the small, day to day decisions. The small victories are the most important. And today's small victory felt anything but small, to me.
No doubt, this is a Rocky-running-up-the-steps-of-the-Philadelphia-Museum-of-Art moment.