(See the resemblance? You're supposed to be laughing!)
I'm going through an identity crisis.
Ben and I watched SALT on Friday. Have you seen it? Angelina Jolie's latest female Bond-like film. I may not agree with all of her life choices, but DANG, that woman has skills!
I want skills, too. I want to jump from truck to truck on the freeway, I want to take off on a bullet bike, I want to scale a wall twelve stories up, I want to save the President and the world, I want to be a martial-arts-street-fighting guru, oh, and a super-sweet body wouldn't hurt (wait, heh, that might be asking too much). Try to look past the selfishness of all those "wants." It's more the spirit of them, than the actual experience itself.
Now, how to motherhood-ize these skills to benefit my family? Jumping from car to car in the parking lot of the grocery store? A little kung-fu with the bully on the playground? Imagine that?!
Not that I want to put my life in danger every day, but I want the spirit of adventure. I want to be daring, edgy, tough, but, equally nurturing, gentle, wise, and stable. Is that possible or am I kidding myself? How do all those fit together?
I figure God needs all kinds of women in this world. I'll have to trust that He'll make me into what I need to be, sexy bod or no, kung-fu or no. I may never (who am I kidding, will never) save the President, but if I can raise my kids to contribute to the world, to be loving, devoted fathers and a purposeful, articulate mother, well, that's the Skill of all skills. I'll leave the saving to Angelina, any day.
All that being said, I'm content as a mother who lives her extremely adventurous Angelina-ish life vicariously through books and movies (until the kids get older, then watch out! ). Every once in a while I just get the edgy-itch, that's all. It'll mellow in a day or two and I'll rejoice in the adventures of getting three kids off to school, hair combed, teeth brushed, homework signed, faces smiling, without missing the bus! That's what I call skill.
Update: I read this post again this morning and got to thinking. Being a mother, raising children to be good, Christ-centered, faithful, honest, hard-working, kind individuals is a battle. An extreme adventure. There are so many things pulling them away from God, from goodness. The skills I need aren't physical skills, but spiritual skills--just as intense as the physical, if not more. Spiritual Angelina Jolie-ness. This is why we're here, to prove our faithfulness to God, to always remember that He is our Father, that He loves us and knows what's best. That He can make more of our lives than we ever could on our own. That wickedness never was happiness, and never will be. Teaching my children to get these truths secured in their hearts is not a passive job. It's a spiritual marathon . . .
Okay, that feels better. My thoughts evolved into something meaningful, purposeful. Now I don't have to keep stewing about this. Occasionally my blog becomes Personal Therapy 101!
Update #2: There's more. My friend just sent me a quote that puts it all in perspective. Thank heavens for friends (Thanks, Melanie). Here it is:
"I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble." Helen Keller.
The everydays of my motherhood adventure are a collection of small tasks that, in the end, add up to something great and noble, yet as I go through them it's so easy to lose sight of that! I think I can, I think I can, I think I can . . .