Cheeky...

I was mildly obsessed with Annie today.

I would cup her plump, little cheeks in my hands and kiss her, cheek to cheek to cheek to cheek.

Soft, squishy, little toddler cheeks.

It's another one of those moments I wish I could fold up and put in my pocket...save it for later, through the years, when I don't have little, squishy baby cheeks running around the house.

P.S. Rereading this post, I thought that some might read it, laughing, thinking about bum-cheeks instead of cheek-cheeks. I'm talking about above-the-neck-cheeks, people. However, I do love little, squishy bum cheeks, just not for kissing.

Guts...and more guts

I felt like the last parent on earth whose kids still hadn't carved their pumpkins.

Well, we did it.

I'm really a pumpkin-carving-stick-in-the-mud. That surprises me because I'm a nut about traditions and being festive. Unfortunately, I see my kids picking the biggest pumpkin they can carry, and I think how long it's going to take me to clean it out. Then, I think about the mess, the clean-up.

Also, in the past, Ben was completely detail-oriented, wanting all these crazy-hard designs that the kids couldn't possibly do themselves. Like the pictures you scrape into the pumpkin, instead of carving them--way too intricate for 4 year olds.

However, this year was different.

My kids are growing up. They're close to being pumpkin-carving independants (not Annie, of course). And, Ben was so laid back and accepting of triangle eyes, noses, and mouths with two teeth on top. Much to my surprise, I actually had fun. I hope that because we had so much fun, Brigham will forget the comment he made to me earlier today in the car, when he said,

"I think we're the only house in all Rexburg that's not decorated for Halloween."

His heavy burden...

Friday night, we went to the temple. The Relief Society offered their services (too kind, really), tending all the kids at the church. The boys decided to take backpacks with a few toys, just in case "it got boring." Right before we left, I hefted Will's backpack. Wow. Heavy. I opened the front pocket zipper, and much to my chagrin, there lay a small boulder. I laughed and informed William that large, hard, potentially-goose-egg-causing "toys" were not allowed at the church. I could just imagine William on the stage, heaving the rock and yelling,"Bombs away!" Thank goodness for parental intervention.

Save us, Barry...

(If you're not laughing when you see this picture, well...)

I'm a fan of country music. However, there comes a time when we've probably had a little too much of a good thing. My moment came when our sweet, innocent Lincoln pipes out singing,

"...rockin' the beer gut..."

Yes, that's right. He really did. I took the time to listen to the words of the song one day. It was pretty funny until I realized that the song was about a woman. Seriously. I have to draw the line somewhere, and "Rockin' the beer gut" is past my line.

I can't wait for the phone call from Lincoln's preschool teacher, informing me that he's singing inappropriate lyrics in class.

I guess it's time for a little Barry Manilow...change things up a bit:).

dreams...

I was talking to my sister on the phone, needing a sounding board. Lately, I've had all these hopes and dreams bubbling up in my brain. I felt unsettled because there's so much I want to do in life. My "seasons" are all out of kilter. Obviously, now is not the time to conquer the world...I still haven't mastered doing my laundry, folding it, AND putting it away all in the same day. However, I felt like by the time it was my season for some of my dreams, I might be a little "too seasoned" (meaning: sipping jello through a straw in a nursing home) to make a difference the way I imagined. Sometimes I get so ahead of myself with what I want to do, that I forget God has a path for me, and if followed, will lead to more fulfillment than I could ever dream-up for myself.

With these thoughts coursing through my brain, I picked up a book this morning. It was one of those moments when the pages fall open in just the right place. Here's what it said,

It is easy in the often routine and occasionally dull exercise of everyday life to long for something more exciting and stimulating. . . . Submerged hopes and desires bubble to the surface, and feelings of longing may tug at our hearts. . . . There is nothing inherently wrong with hopes and dreams and wishes. They should be pursued to their reasonable ends. But there comes a time in our reverie when it may be vital to turn and almost run to the arms of someone real that will bring us back to the ground.

It is wonderful to see people who have a dream and go for it with passion , confidence, and unwavering determination. Tremendous personal growth and meaningful contribution can be realized by those who are willing to give the extra effort or walk the narrow path that is dictated by their dreams. But the most successful of these also realize that they may be limited by vows and restrained by responsibilities that are not subject to honest abandonment.

I looked up to heaven and thought, yep, that was clear enough for me. Noted. My sister advised me to use wisdom. I said to her, "Well, it's easy to be wise in my every-day life, it's harder when it comes to my dreams." Sometimes, my journey of "becoming" feels like pretty hard work. I have a lot of rough edges just waiting to be smoothed.

Favorite things...

I was just taking stock of some things I've loved lately. Not like your family, autumn leaves, the "givens," etc., but random stuff. I thought I'd write down a few, just for fun.

1. Karen Kingsbury books. She's a christian author. If your looking for a less-heavy read, but a good read, read her. She picks heavier topics to write about, but with her christian perspective, it's not so hopeless, if you know what I mean. I tend to go for her love stories (I know, I'm mushy through and through). She's refreshing. Her stories end well, and she even makes you think. Sure, I know, they aren't "classics," but that's okay. I really liked one called Even Now. She makes me think about what role my faith plays in my life and I feel good after every book. We all need that sometimes. After a few of hers, I'm ready to hit it hard. I've got one on my shelf right now, Mary Barton, by Elizabeth Gaskell, just waiting to be read.

2. Jane Eyre. The movie. This is the newest version and THE BEST, in my opinion. It was made a couple of years ago. Ruth Wilson and Toby Stephens play Jane and Mr. Rochester. Oh, it is so yummy. I seriously watched it over and over again. I even bought it for myself as a Christmas present this year. Watch it! You'll be glad you did.

3. My i-pod sitting atop my treadmill. My running buddy moved away last week. I haven't been running outside since. Plus, I'm a wimp and it's too cold in the mornings these days. Therefore, come 6am, I'm on my trusty treadmill, i-pod in hand, listening to the Now and Then soundtrack, John Mayer, Beach Boys (come on, it's such happy, wake-up music, and besides, I can't hear myself heaving when "I Get Around" comes on), Stevie Wonder, Bread, Keith Urban, ABBA, Taylor Swift, Brad Paisley, Jackson 5, and, if you can believe it, a little Tchaikovsky.

4. Hugh Jackman. Oops. Our little secret.

5. Mott's Hot Spiced Cider. I've tried and tried to find some herbal tea to love. In the british movies that we love so well, they always talk about chamomile tea. YUCK. I've tried it and can't stand the stuff. I was so disappointed in myself. Maybe the cup-of-tea look just wasn't for me. It looks so classy, seeing someone with their cup o' tea and a book, in a comfy chair, with a beautiful, luxurious throw over their legs. I want myself in that image. I want my cup of tea...or cider.

6. The 5000 Year Leap. It's a book by Cleon Skousen, published by the National Center for Constitutional Studies. It's a fabulous, direct read about principles of freedom that were set up by our Founding Fathers. I'm taking a class/lecture series all about this stuff. I'm being filled up with great information and a real desire to make a difference in our country. If you're a member of my family, DON'T buy it...you're getting it for Christmas. Sorry to ruin the surprise.

7. Dominion. It's a game made by the same people who did Settlers of Catan. It's nothing like Settlers, but it's a great game. It only takes about 40 minutes per game. Two people can play, so Ben and I have played it almost every night for the past couple of weeks. It took a couple of games to really understand and enjoy it, and once I did, it's been a lot of fun.

"I simply remember my favorite things, and then I don't feeeeellllll sooooo bbbaaaaaadddd."

I hope your singing it like I am. Julie Andrews, eat your heart out.

moments...

We were sitting in the car outside of Lincoln's preschool. The college radio station was playing a beautiful song, goosebumpy even (it was a religious song. Church owned university = religious music). Lincoln always wants to pray before he goes inside (I know, deep inside this little boy is a tender, spiritual giant just fighting to come out). I wanted to hear the song, so we waited, listening, until it finished. Lincoln was coloring a picture in his seat and said,

"Mommy, I could feel it from my feet, all the way up to my heart."

So often with Lincoln it's a battle of wills, butting heads, feisty. This morning, it was tender. I needed that experience with him. After prayers, he jumped out of the car, turning around at least 4 times to give me the sign language for "I love you," with a big smile on his face. Thank goodness for moments like these, that make being a mom all worth it (and make all the hard times a little more manageable).

I knew this day would come...

I knew I wouldn't be able to dodge the draft.

3 boys.

Destiny.

Before I really thought about scouting, I was guilty of not appreciating what a great program it is for boys. Have you read up on it? Seriously, if every boy in this country went through the scouting program, our world would be a different place. A better place. No doubt. So, yes, I'm a believer. Yes, I wear my uniform with pride. I am a Den Leader, hear me ROAR! Ha, I sound like those obsessive scouters I used to laugh at (I'm not proud of that)--now look at me.

Brigham could barely contain his enthusiasm. Would I have his patches sewn on before den meeting? As you can see, I was so worried about it not looking straight that I froze. Look who's sewing now? Yep, that's why I married him. I know, who cares if it doesn't look perfect? I know, I know, I know. In all honesty, Ben wanted it to look perfect even more than I did (he's a loyal scout), so I told him to have at it. I hovered. Annie did, too. It was a group effort.

There's got to be some badge for that...

Likening...

I was reading last night and found the neatest scripture. I felt energized, motivated, and, word-nerd that I am, awed by how cool the scriptures say things. I was reading about Ether, a prophet in the the Book of Mormon. He was prophesying to the people and "could not be restrained because of the Spirit of the Lord which was in him." There was a footnote to Jeremiah, a prophet in the Old Testament. Jeremiah had prophesied and was put in the stocks. He was released and said this (Jeremiah 20:7-9):

7. O Lord...thou art stronger than I, and hast prevailed: I am in derision daily, every one mocketh me.

8. For since I spake, I cried out, I cried violence and spoil; becasue the word of the Lord was made a reproach unto me, and a derision, daily.

9. (cool part) Then I said, I will not make mention of [the Lord], nor speak any more in his name. But his word was in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones, and I was weary with forbearing, and I could not stay (I added those italics).

Loved it. Certainly, as a Christian, sometimes my faith is mocked or challenged by those who don't understand. Sometimes, when all my efforts appear to be in vain, and I want to throw up my hands and be done with it, I want to remember this scripture. When I make mistakes or do stupid things, the scriptures are there to remind me, help me get back on track. Sometimes it's hard to speak up, say what you believe, or that you think something's not right; however, it's times like these that I want "his word in mine heart as a burning fire shut up in my bones." Actually, I always want to feel the fire of His word in my soul. That's so beautiful to me. There is real power in that and the power comes from love, a deep love of God, myself, and those around me. Anyway, enough ramblings. I learned a lesson and am better for it.

St. Lanette in the making...

How does one earn Sainthood?

If you are the mother to a son named Lincoln,

is that enough?

Does that count?

Just wondering, cause I'm feeling right up there with St. Peter.

It's amazing how love can feel so closely related to the urge to scream...or throw up your hands...or, really, to hide in a bathroom for a few hours...just a few. Here's what I keep saying, "I can either laugh or cry, laugh or cry, laugh or cry..."

Give me the strength to laugh.

The Dangling Ankle...

Call me crazy,

but I thought when I had a girl, I would only be dealing with bows and barbies and tea parties.

I didn't think hanging or severed limbs came with the feminine-territory.

Boy, was I wrong.

Somehow, G.I. Joes and batmans without limbs...even headless...don't seem as sad as a baby doll with a gimpy, dangling ankle. Despondent, that's how I felt for about .5 seconds.

Dr. Mom to the rescue.

8.

October 4th, Brigham turned 8,

the magic number,

the defining age.

We celebrated while visiting Ben's parents, who are serving a mission in MT.

It was a Sunday, conference Sunday, so we celebrated with President Monson and the Mormon Tabernacle Choir...not quite the friends he was planning on at his "party," but, what can you do?

Brigham is a boy I can count on. He's logical, practical, ingenuitive, mathy. He is his father's son. However, he is love-y through and through (that's the part he gets from me:)). I love when we're walking and he'll still reach out and take my hand. Sometimes, I think my body is magnetic because his head or other limbs will crash into me (gently, usually) if I'm around him. Snugly, that's the word. He has to run back in and kiss me every time he thinks the bus is coming, and still waves once he finds a seat (I did the same thing as a kid).

Brigham's internal compass is right-on. Like this children's book we love to read, Scarlette Beane, he'll grow up to be "tall and strong, and do something wonderful." I know it, and I can't wait to see who he becomes.

Now, I'm sure if he read this, he would be totally embarrassed. Please keep my secret: I have a really great 8 year-old (who still loves to kiss me goodnight).

Happy Birthday, Kiddo.

Grandma's advice...

We played UNO tonight. You know the game. Brigham lost and was beside himself. No joke--tears, scrunched up face, etc. It was one of those moments when you really want to laugh, but you know you shouldn't risk emotionally damaging your child; therefore, I remained tight-lipped. Anyway, the funny part. Sitting next to Brigham, my mom reaches over, placing her hand on his arm, and says,

"Brigham, it's okay to be a loser."

My eyes got big. I couldn't hold in my tremendous guffaw. Out it came. I repeated what it sounded like to my ears. We all laughed.

Good times with Grandma.

Sweet Dreams...

I always knew she was spiritual...

I remember when I could fall asleep anywhere. Last night, Ben and I stared at Annie for a good few minutes before we took her to bed (the praying picture). It was so sweet...that little body in a perfectly, peaceful praying position. Thank goodnes for a strong daddy to carry her to bed, giving her little kisses along the way.

What DIDN'T we do?

Let's see, there was:

Hiking along the RIMROCK
General Conference
Elder/Sister Carter teaching the boys missionary dicussions

Billings Farmer's Market

Brigham's 8th Birthday (he'll get his own post)
Ice cream/cobbler @ the mission home

Singing hymns with the missionaries around a grand piano

Pompey's Pillar & visitors center(William Lewis, of Lewis & Clark...he

carved his name into the rock...

one of the only physical traces of his adventures)

LDS church with murals painted in a rotunda

Trip to Cody, WY

Gun museum

Art museum

Plains Indians museum

Buffalo Bill museum

Natural History museum

Pictograph caves with ancient indian paintings

...oh, and read 2 books...good ones.

It was a super great trip...in spite of the crummy couple of snowy, mushy days.
Yes, I said snow...in October...yuck.

We're off...

...to Big Sky country.

See you in six days.

XOXO

My Sinew Moment...

This picture may look completely ordinary to you.

But,

have you tried sitting like that for extended periods of time lately?

I dare you.

I did.

When I got up, I heard this sinewy (isn't that a great word?), stretchy, cracking in my knees.

Not pretty.

Oh, the days of Gumby bodies...where have you gone?