William's Baptism.

April 30, 2011.

William was baptized by his dad.  This day was special for me, not just because he was baptized, but because I saw just how much he's grown up.  I can recall so many times in his life when I worried about him.  I've said before that my worry rotates through my kids.  Sometimes, one needs more from me than another.  I've had my share of worries over William. 

Lately, he's been my rock.  I watched him prepare for his baptism with awe.  His desire for good is tremendous (there were times when I wondered about that boy).  For me, the tenderness of these moments is that he's prepared and grown quietly.  He's tried to figure things out himself and is doing a dang good job.  I've been watching him, closely, seeing if I need to fill in any gaps.  His sincerity melts my heart.

It's moments like this when I realize that my kids are individuals.  That I'm not molding them into who they'll be.  They're discovering who they always have been.  I've tried--unsuccessfully--to force my kids to be a certain way.  It doesn't work.  Lincoln will always be extreme, adventurous, not passive.  Brigham does not seek attention, he's a team player, he doesn't want the spotlight.  William is quieter, he takes his time in EVERYTHING.  (Annie's still easy, no quirks yet.)  All these things about my kids, I've fought to change at some time or other in their lives: make Lincoln passive, make Brigham be in the spotlight, make Will go faster.  The results aren't good.  We're all unhappy.  There are some things in my kids that are uniquely THEM, just part of who they are, that I shouldn't mess with, but learn to work with.  While other things like kindness, manners, selflessness, work, etc. can always be taught.

I am ever-learning about this parenting stuff.  Someday, hopefully, I'll figure it out.  All I know is that I love my kids, that I'm trying my best to be the parent God wants me to be, that I can't do it alone, and sometimes I really mess up.  But, sometimes I do it right, too.  And, in the end, hopefully, the "right" things far outweigh the "mess-ups."  That's my prayer.  AMEN:).