Oh, hum...

The weather mirrored my mood today.  Dreary, mopey, slow.  I stayed up too late finishing a good book.  11pm isn't extremely late in my opinion, but it's been a couple of weeks since I pulled an 11 o'clocker.  I've felt so on top of my game.  So joyful in my mothering, so joyful about life, really in a good place.  And then...today.  Yuck.  I guess for me, having real charity is dependant on 8 or 9 hours of sleep.  That's unfortunate.

I was driving to Sam's Club today.  Behind me, looking at a book about sharks, Lincoln asked if I wanted to be eaten by this shark or that shark or this shark, etc.  Holy cow, every single page..."This shark, Mommy?"  I thought my ears would explode and my neck would fall off listening and turning around so much.  I couldn't handle it anymore.  I said, "Lincoln, Mommy doesn't really want to talk anymore.  Mommy wouldn't want to be eaten by ANY shark at all.  Okay?"  I didn't yell, it was matter-of-fact.  Poor guy.  I knew it wasn't the sharks he really cared about, it was interacting with me.  I hope he forgets about today.  Forgets that I wouldn't hang around Sam's for the free samples, or that I wouldn't lift him up to touch the gigantic tent on display, or buy him a hot dog, or the gatorade he's wanted for MONTHS, or that he stayed in time-out in his room for an HOUR, or, or...

Selfishness is so disappointing.  Selfishness resulting from my poor choices so my kids have to put up with me is kinda sad.  I've learned a big lesson today and don't want to repeat it tommorow.  So, on that note, goodnight, sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite...

(ps- Ben and I usually trade off dishes/kitchen clean up or kid duty.  Since his hours are later and we eat around 6:30, it's practically bedtime when we're through.  I chose dishes and listened to a BYU-I devotional about agency and the atonement of Christ.  Bouyed up is an understatement.  I was in such a humbled state of mind that I was filled right up, spiritually speaking.  Just what I needed.  I love that I know God lives.  I love the gospel of Jesus Christ.  Don't know what I'd do without it.)